“The Importance of Wrestling with God in Christian Music” by Sophie Keye

“If life has no meaning, I might as well be Sleeping in on Sunday.”

Sleeping in on Sunday came out of a painful time in my life when I was questioning my faith in Jesus and the cost of following him. By God’s grace, I honestly can’t remember a time when I wasn’t aware of God’s loving presence and having a conversation with him. Throughout my childhood and high-school I was used to getting my faith challenged by family and friends but I was able to maintain a deep passion for and trust in Jesus in spite of this.

However, in my first couple of years at University a number of things happened that caused me that rocked my world and caused me to seriously doubt my faith. One factor was that we had a family breakdown which left me feeling unsure of who I could trust. Although I was having a ball making new friends at University, when I came home I was often angry, sad and isolated.

During this time I became friends with someone who didn’t share my faith in Jesus but genuinely cared for me as a person. I also admired his unique talents and curious mind. He had come out a religious cult which had left him with the scars of spiritual abuse and suspicion of organized religion. Talking with him made me wonder if what I believed about Jesus was true and whether I was part of another kind of cult. It was this friendship that inspired the beginnings of Sleeping in On Sunday.

“I’m not His creations then God must be some figment of my imagination. I guess, that’s an explanation.”

After a year we ended up going out for a month. However, I broke it off shortly after mainly due to the fact we didn’t share the same faith in Jesus. I really loved him but I felt that the relationship didn’t have a future because I couldn’t see myself being with someone who didn’t share the most important part of my life and heart with me. I also didn’t want him to feel like he had to change because of me.

It was a really painful decision to make which started a spiral into a deep depression that eventually led to me having a mental breakdown a year later. During my three week stay at a psychiatric hospital I would play the piano and sing songs, many of which are on my recent album TRINKETS which has to do with my journey in and out of this dark period in my life. Singing the chorus of ‘Sleeping in on Sunday’ seemed to take on a deeper meaning in light of my circumstances and suffering at this time.

“‘Oh God, are you listening? Can you hear this heart beat for you? Oh, God?”

Sleeping in on Sunday’s is a song about wrestling with myself and God about my hopes and doubts in regards to my faith in him. It is also about having the courage to face the painful possibility that beliefs you’ve based your whole life around could be a lie.

I hope that this song helps people to see that it is ok to have questions and wrestle with your faith and be a follower of Jesus. We also need to be willing to let go of our treasured beliefs if we find out they aren’t true. As Paul says in Corinthians 15:13

“If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is worthless, and so is your faith.”

I don’t want to believe in Jesus because it’s comforting, convenient, or part of my upbringing. I wan’t to believe in him because it is true.

In the words if C.S. Lewis

“You must make your choice. Either this man [Jesus] was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.”

Now almost 10 years later since starting to writer this song, I still have doubts and wrestle with God on multiple occasions. However, I have a stronger conviction that Jesus is who he said he was, his innate goodness and love, and that he was raised from the dead. This means that death isn’t the end and that we can trust the other things Jesus to be true – and that is someone worth living for and singing about.

“Is it true you know how many hairs are on this head of mine? Well, if that’s the case I’m gonna do just fine.”

by Sophie Keye