It’s 12:23 A.M and I just got back from a 7 mile run with 2 friends (1 of which I just met this evening.) Lately I have found myself drifting off while at work or play thinking about when I can get a run and some decent solitude in. It seems that getting off the couch and pounding out a few miles is exactly what my soul has been craving.
This series of Blogs in general are to document my life as a new artist and the trials and pleasures that ensue. But early this A.M I can’t help but document a deeper yearning. I want to LIVE. I want to get out when I should be sleeping and sweat alongside a few comrades. I want to get over the feeling of failing or succeeding in the music world and get whipped into submission. I feel the closest to Christ while going out for a run. It’s seems that running in the early hours of morning or later at night is the only real option when you have a family and conflicting hobbies☺
I think after having my first record out for a few months and getting ready to go back out on tour I find myself desperately seeking clarity. How do you remain a faithful husband and father while building a ministry and broadening a fan base? I don’t know. I do know that with every pounding heartbeat, deep breath and lack of words I am finding peace in the struggle. Mixing the joys and frustrations of music with the welcomed pain of building endurance and stamina is a delightful cocktail.
It’s 1:05 A.M and I am thankful. My legs and feet hurt. I’m hungry. But more importantly I’m writing and I am sharing instead of sleeping. I love to sleep and unfortunately I sleep too much. Not tonight.
After meeting my new friend Sean tonight I felt like I knew him better after our run. It was only 6 months earlier I drove past a crazy looking man running bare foot with no shirt who looked just like Jesus or at least the Jesus in my mind. Tonight, God blessed me with a new friend and it came by getting out my comfort. Sean is the guy you throw drinks at while driving by and call crazy because he has long hair, beard and runs bare foot. After tonight I want to take my shoes off and get nailed in the back of the head with your Wendy’s Frosty. I’m all in. I’m reminded of paragraph of one of my favorite books:
“Most Dreams die a slow death. They’re conceived in a moment of passion, with the prospect of endless possibility, but often languish and not pursued with the same heartfelt intensity as when first born. Slowly, subtly, a dream becomes elusive and ephemeral. People who’ve let their own dreams die become pessimists and cynics. They feel that the time and devotion spent on chasing their dreams were wasted. The emotional scars last forever. “It can’t be done,” they’ll say, when you describe your dream. “It’ll never happen.” Pg.139 Ultra Marathon Man, Dean Karnazes