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“It’s His Fault!” by John DiBiase

On March 14, 2010February 6, 2021
JFH

Tonight was my first experience accompanying my wife… maternity clothes shopping! What’s kind of funny to note is, I was supposed to be her sole accompaniment for this task. Luckily for both of us, another couple was able to join us, so the ladies went off on a quest to find the appropriate clothing for a budding mother-to-be. The guys, of course, went their own way… to do… much less feminine things… and when it came time to join up with the girls, we found them in a maternity-specific clothing store (which was a bit of a change from their original intended destination of… Old Navy).

Amy and our friend were the only customers in the store (after all, we did arrive to the mall late… and it was already closing time), and upon seeing the lady assisting my wife in finding a new maternity… errr… “upper frontal support” *wink* I had this sudden feeling of — “It’s all HIS fault that she’s this way and is shopping here! VILLAIN!” And of course, this wasn’t the situation at all (and I quickly dismissed the non-existent accusation). Amy was happy to see us, and the store clerk, I think, quickly pegged me as merely the husband and father-to-be in this given situation.

I felt sort of like Gulliver… sticking out like a sore thumb in a sea of tiny people. Except, in this case, it was a womens’ clothing store for those of the gender who are working on expanding their family. I was very tempted to say, “Hi, yeah… I’m the guilty one…” upon joining up with the female cluster, but I swiftly abandoned the goofy remark as unnecessary and anti-witty if anything.

The store was a bit overwhelming. Even more so than those doctor’s visits for ultrasounds (You fellas know what I mean), where you’re clearly one of the few males permitted to enter the female’s safe haven… and some onlookers may still wonder what is your business in their place of zen. And, for the wife in those cases, it’s much more focused on “Yay! We’re having a baby!” and much less on “Dangit, I need bigger clothes… BECAUSE OF YOU!!” Needless to say, we couldn’t get out of the store fast enough for me. But despite pictures of pregnant women of various sizes sprinkled around the store, or even the sight of my wife trying on a maternity shirt, …or even hearing the clerk’s voice AND my wife’s coming from the same dressing room (for… uhhh… “upper frontal support” advice), the things that really started to overwhelm this guy was the additional sights of onesies hanging up in front of the register… and discovering what the “PeePee TeePee: For the Sprinkling Wee-Wee” was for. Yeah.

All overly-dramatic-story-telling aside, it was certainly a new adventure… and I’m only slightly more scared now than I already was. 😉

…There they are!!

In JFH Staff Little Jesus Freaks ParentingIn Dads , JFH Staff , John DiBiase , Little Jesus Freaks , LittleJesusFreaks , maternity clothes , Parenting , Parents

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