Back in February, I put my lucky socks on, and entered the recording studio in Nashville, Tennessee, for the second time.
I’m kidding about the socks. I don’t believe in luck. What I do believe in is the healing power of Jesus.
The first time I entered that studio, I recorded my song, “I Am Broken.” Why did I use that title? You see, when I was young, I was sexually abused by my father. I felt truly broken and beyond repair.
For years, I held that secret and shame inside. I wished death on my abuser, contemplated suicide, blamed myself – did I dress provocatively? I must have had it coming – and everything in between.
The one thing I never did was allow myself to be mad at God and I floundered with panic attacks, depression, overeating, bitterness, and that never-ending shame. But, I wanted to know why. Why had this happened to me?
I sat in front of my piano one night and started writing lyrics that were completely out of character for me. “Where were You, Lord, when the darkness settled in…” Once I allowed myself to have that anger, the words continued to pour out of me.
In January, my abuser/father died. I wrote two more songs, back-to-back, begging God to take away the anger and the bitterness and the pain.
Do I need those lucky socks to get me through the ups and downs of life? No. What I need is the healing power and unexplainable peace of Jesus and that’s exactly what He has given me.
-Marie de Haan
Website: www.mariedehaan.com
Instagram: @mariedehaanwriter
Facebook: Marie de Haan
Wow, beautiful, Maria, I’m so thankful that you found healing through Jesus! I can’t imagine what you went through but I’m so thankful that you are still here and you’re able to share your story through the songs you’ve written. I’m sure you will touch many lives!! 💗Rae