Back in February, I put my lucky socks on, and entered the recording studio in Nashville, Tennessee, for the second time.
I’m kidding about the socks. I don’t believe in luck. What I do believe in is the healing power of Jesus.
The first time I entered that studio, I recorded my song, “I Am Broken.” Why did I use that title? You see, when I was young, I was sexually abused by my father. I felt truly broken and beyond repair.
For years, I held that secret and shame inside. I wished death on my abuser, contemplated suicide, blamed myself – did I dress provocatively? I must have had it coming – and everything in between.
The one thing I never did was allow myself to be mad at God and I floundered with panic attacks, depression, overeating, bitterness, and that never-ending shame. But, I wanted to know why. Why had this happened to me?
I sat in front of my piano one night and started writing lyrics that were completely out of character for me. “Where were You, Lord, when the darkness settled in…” Once I allowed myself to have that anger, the words continued to pour out of me.
In January, my abuser/father died. I wrote two more songs, back-to-back, begging God to take away the anger and the bitterness and the pain.
Do I need those lucky socks to get me through the ups and downs of life? No. What I need is the healing power and unexplainable peace of Jesus and that’s exactly what He has given me.
-Marie de Haan
Facebook: Marie de Haan