“Alone but Together” by Hanna Kim

On a cold day this past December, I was on the bus to New York City from Boston. My plan was to visit my old friends. The ride was a bit uncomfortable with a thick K94 face mask on my face and surrounded by many passengers. I knew there were some heaters on the side of the bus, but I felt like it was still a bit cold. Sitting next to the window was nice to see outside but all I saw was just lots of bare branches of the trees in a row. Looking at those thin and dried trees through the window made me very nostalgic. Boston’s winter is pretty tough but every year is hard. The sun goes down around 4pm and the freezing wind often blows hard. Of course everyone wears a thick coat or puff jacket and with layered clothes. It’s like all the creatures are hibernating in that winter season. I’ve been living in Boston for more than 10 years, but I never get used to the winter season.

When I was making my way to New York, I realized it was one of the rare times I have traveled alone since I married my husband, Joseph. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had traveled by myself. Joseph’s grad school schedule didn’t allow him to travel with me, so he wasn’t able to join this time on the trip. In that bus, I kept texting him to tell how much I miss him already, and then I suddenly felt extremely lonely. Actually, I have been living in the US longer than I lived in South Korea. It’s been 20 years since I left my country to study music in the States. After all the years of studying in colleges and graduate school in music, I still feel like a foreigner and an alien here. I still need to renew my artist visa every three years. It has been a long journey of living in the US. I realized that my concerns were traveling with me which made my heart so burdened and lonesome.

I had to pray to God.

“Hi God, I have a burdened heart. Can you please be with me? Please help me, Lord. Would you please bless this trip, Lord?…” As I prayed, I felt that my concerns were fading away. I felt like when you share your concerns with your friends, then your feelings are much better. Our God is good, you know? When I prayed, the Holy Spirit reminded me of one of the worship songs that I usually play on the flute, the song Psalm 23 (I’m Not Alone). The chorus says, “Hallelujah I am not alone.” This lyric was really stuck in my heart. As I kept listening to the song, it really encouraged my soul and became my inspiration for the trip. Yeah, I was NOT alone. I was never alone, because my God was (and is) always with me even in that bus, even on that trip that I took alone.

Through the song, my heart changed to a grateful one. I felt my heart finally breathing freely. It was like drinking iced water when you’re extremely thirsty in the middle of the desert. Since this moment, on that bus ride to New York, I have spent all my time listening to worship songs. My soul was recharged and energized by God’s words and songs.

During the visit, I stayed in my sweet friend Sora’s apartment in Roosevelt Island in New York City. She is a great pianist and a singer, as well. On that day, when the sun was shining in the afternoon, I saw a bright gray and bluish sky over the apartment window. I felt like God was telling me to write a song that I had started composing at home in Boston. While my friend was out for the day, I stayed in that home alone. I finished the song, which is based on the theme of Psalm 23 that I am not alone and am together with God, even if I don’t feel like I am. When I started playing chords and melody for my composition, I felt God’s presence. This moment was so special. I still remember that I was really emotional and nostalgic while I was writing down the chords. After an hour, I finished the composition which was based on the inspiration from the bus ride, with the message about being together with God.

When I came back to Boston, I prayed that I could record and release this song. After one month, my friend, pianist Eunjeong EJ visited Boston. It was perfect timing that she was visiting Boston so I was able to ask her if she could record my tune together. EJ also helped me to find a bassist. Finally bassist Youngchae also joined us so we became a jazz quartet (Eunjeong EJ Hwang (pianist), Youngchae Jeong (bassist), Joseph Jun Hyuk Seo (drummer, my husband) and me (flutist Hanna Kim). As our Berklee colleagues joined, my music became much closer to what I really imagined in my mind. After some practice, we went to the recording studio and recorded the tune, “Alone but Together.” It was released in April this year after I worked with engineers on mixing and mastering the song. I am deeply thankful that my song was composed, recorded, and released with these talented artists. Whenever I listen to the song, I think about the special memories of my New York trip in December. The memory is a reminder that I am not alone. The song reminds me that I will always be together with Christ, no matter where I am or what I’m doing. I pray this tune would encourage people who are going through a hard time. I pray that this tune would touch their heart to come to Christ’s precious love.

You can find my tune, “Alone but Together (Hanna Kim)” on any major music platforms like iTunes and Spotify now. I hope this tune encourages and reminds you that you are not alone.